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Some recent discussions at Rebelscum inspired me to write an entry detailing my latest Star Wars conspiracy theory. Given my profound laziness it was an easy decision, since much of this article was already written in the form of message board replies. This is a more appropriate venue anyway, as my crackpot theories are not always well received over there. ;)

In short, I posit that Obi-Wan Kenobi went insane toward the end of his life, leading him away from the moral and ethical foundations of the Jedi Order.

We see evidence of Obi-Wan’s psychosis in Star Wars: A New Hope (the original Star Wars film, which many self-righteous, older fans insist will always be “just Star Wars” to them). There is a great deal of consternation and debate among fans over Obi-Wan’s comment that Darth Vader killed Luke’s father. Most accept his explanation in Return of the Jedi, which basically amounts to “Oh I was just fuckin’ witcha”. However, I would like to suggest that the old Jedi may have been completely mad by the time he told Luke about Anakin’s fate. It’s possible that in the throes of dementia he actually believed what he was telling Luke, and then later, in spirit form, offered a flimsy justification, embarrassed to admit his former deficiencies.

It’s also not totally unreasonable to suggest that Obi-Wan may have orchestrated the murder of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru as a way to guarantee Luke would go with him to Alderaan. He could have led the Stormies to the Lars’ home with an anonymous transmission, or perhaps used the Force to plant a suggestion in their minds. Even more plausible is that he enlisted mercenaries to do the deed, perhaps knowing of Stormtroopers’ incompetence and poor marksmanship. He even mentions that “only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise,” which of course we know is a crock.

It is quite clear that Obi-Wan believed Luke was the galaxy’s only hope for toppling the Empire. He was old, desperate, and running out of time. Maybe he believed that sacrificing two lives to save the entire galaxy was a fair bargain, at least from a certain point of view.

If you require further proof of Obi-Wan’s mental state, witness his brutal dismemberment of Ponda Baba in the cantina. I view this act as a blatant example of excessive, unnecessary force. We’ve seen this man fight armies of droids, vicious cyborgs, ruthless alien bounty hunters, and deadly Sith Lords. We observed his use of mind control on Imperial troops and drug dealers. There’s absolutely no reason to believe he couldn’t have subdued a common thug by less violent means.

To get your head around this theory, think about the trauma Obi-Wan has experienced. Even putting aside the tragic events which gave rise to the Empire, he’s fought in many battles, witnessed death on a daily basis for years, experienced imprisonment and torture, and faced the most horrifying villains imaginable. And throughout all of it his mind is tapped into a powerful cosmic force that he can never truly control.

Add to this the fall of the Jedi Order, the slaying of his most trusted friend, and the Rise of an indomitable evil Empire, and you end up with one messed up old hermit.

Why doesn’t my bank know what language I speak?

I’ve held an account with this bank for about fifteen years, and yet every time I visit an ATM machine, I must select my language before proceeding with the transaction. The choices are “English” and “Spanish”.

For the sake of argument, let’s disregard the fact that only 13% of the United States population speaks Spanish, compared to 82% for English according to Wikipedia.

Let’s not even consider that in the suburban, white, yuppie community in which I live, those percentages are surely skewed even more in favor of English (I’d guess 99%, but I confess I have no actual data to back that up).

So, dismissing the fact that most people speak English, why the hell doesn’t my bank know that I, Mattdude, who has used this very ATM hundreds of times, speak English, even though I’ve selected English each and every time? Nevermind that all communications between myself and my bank over the past fifteen years have been in English, you would think at the very least the system could “remember” my choice from the last visit and automatically select English. Perhaps it could include a secondary option lower on the screen to change the language, you know, just in case I became a fluent Spanish speaker since my last visit.

We’re not talking about profoundly complex algorithms here. This is the most basic of interface issues which millions of developers, large and small, have already grasped. There’s simply no reason a large institution can’t do the same.

As if to mock me further, the newer ATMs in the area display a “Checking for preferences” message before beginning the transaction, and then proceed to make me select a language. Lol.

Congratulations to Barack Obama and his supporters for an historic triumph in the U.S. presidential election. Obama is a charismatic leader who ran an incredible campaign. He truly earned his victory and I’m confident he will make a fine president.

I did not want Obama to win. I consider myself conservative when it comes to economic issues, so I tend to recoil at concepts such as universal healthcare and increasing taxes on the wealthy. Though I was not particularly impressed with McCain’s campaign (this was not the McCain who ran against Bush in the Republican primary eight years ago), his economic philosophy more closely matches my own, and so he was “my guy” in this election.

However, as the campaign season dragged on and the election grew near, my support for McCain was replaced by something else altogether–bitterness toward outspoken, self-righteous “Obamaholics”. I wanted to see them cry like they did four years ago when they were so smugly certain that John Kerry would become our president.

In the end, my desire to see Obama defeated really had nothing to do with the man himself. Heck, I like Obama. I think he’ll make a great leader and I don’t even find his policies that objectionable. But his supporters, with their omnipresent anti-Bush, anti-Palin, anti-”Joe the Plumber” rants, along with their naive, unconditional faith that this one man can create some kind of American Utopia, drew my ire. Democrats could often be heard accusing McCain and Palin for making “divisive” comments, but there was nothing more divisive than the behavior of so many indignant Obama supporters.

They were (and I say “were”, not “are”, since I assume that Obama’s victory will temper their rage) like ravenous, angry fans of a local football team. McCain supporters may not have been any better, but they certainly didn’t make as much noise. You see, it’s not “cool” to support a Republican, and with such widespread disapproval of Bush (which took on a life of its own to such a degree that just about anyone felt socially secure railing against Bush, even if they were completely ignorant on the issues), supporters of McCain tended to keep quiet lest they be drawn into an irrational, angry political “discussion” with nearby liberals, who are never bashful about sharing their views.

The presidential race, as usual, became a sporting event, with people choosing their side and hurling venom at the opposing team. Civil discourse over the proper direction of the country was abandoned long ago by both sides. Do people even understand the issues at stake, or do they simply read some headlines, catch a few sound bites, and ride the wave of common sentiment around them? I suspect the latter.

For these reasons I will once again be tuning out the news for the foreseeable future. I’m tired of the arguments, the anger, the divisions. The ignorance disguised as knowledge. At least for the next four years I don’t have to listen to every other idiot complain about Bush.

Good luck, Obama. I’m sure you’ll do great. Maybe not. Either way, I’ll be blissfully unaware.

Those with whom I communicate on a daily basis will no doubt groan when they see the title of this post. That’s because I have joked for years that Nine Inch Nails‘ music is secretly about Star Wars and its characters, specifically Anakin Skywalker. Nevertheless, I am proceeding with this entry as I have never consolidated my thoughts on the subject into a comprehensive summary.

I’d like to preface this article by stating that I do not, in fact, believe that Trent Reznor had Star Wars in mind (at least consciously) when writing his music. But this doesn’t change the fact that many of his lyrical themes allude to the tragic plight of Anakin Skywalker, chief protagonist and eventual antagonist of the Star Wars films. Indeed, certain lyrics appear to refer very specifically to details about Anakin’s experiences. I found very little information regarding Trent’s opinion of Star Wars, but it would seem that he attended the premier of Revenge of the Sith, which indicates at least some level of fandom.

Whether or not Reznor deliberately inserted Star Wars themes into his work is immaterial. Good art takes on a life of its own, independent of its creator’s motives. Beyond that, a good piece of art is one that evokes an emotional or intellectual reaction. Who is to say whether or not that reaction is proper or correct? So without further delay, let us look briefly at a couple NIN songs so that we may discover the Star Wars themes within.

The Day the World Went Away (TDTWWA)

The song, “The Day the World Went Away”, from NIN’s 1999 two-disc album, The Fragile, is lyrically very simple, thus lending itself to a broad range of interpretations:

I’d listen to the words he’d say
but in his voice I heard decay
the plastic face forced to portray
all the insides left cold and gray
there is a place that still remains
it eats the fear it eats the pain
the sweetest price he’ll have to pay
the day the whole world went away

It is not a tremendous leap to suggest that these words are spoken from the point of view of Luke Skywalker, Anakin’s son, who ultimately redeems his father and brings him back to the light side of the Force. “Decay” in the subject’s voice refers to Vader’s synthesized vocalizations, and the “plastic face” is of course the mask which Vader is doomed to wear for his own survival. Vader’s insides are “cold and gray” both literally and figuratively. After suffering devastating wounds in a duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin is forced to don prostheses and cybernetic enhancements in order to survive, rendering him “more machine than man”. His physical transformation is integrally linked with his psychological metamorphosis from hero to villain, from Jedi Knight to Dark Lord of the Sith.

Most importantly, the song even includes a reference to Vader’s redemption. “There is a place that still remains / It eats the fear it eats the pain” could very well be referring to the good that is still within Vader. Fear is a common motif in the story of Darth Vader–Yoda says to a young Anakin, “Much fear I sense in you,” foreshadowing the boy’s eventual fall from grace. The old master goes on to say that “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate”. Pain is also very much a component of Vader’s character–emotional pain from losing his beloved, and physical pain from his injuries and lifelong confinement to a “walking iron lung.” Toward the end of his life, Luke says to Vader, “I can feel the good inside you, let go of your hate!”. The final two lines refer to Vader’s death (”the sweetest price” is his life, and the “world [going] away” is his death.)

A secondary interpretation is that the lyrics are from the point of view of Vader himself, and the subject becomes Emperor Palpatine. The “decayed voice” and “plastic face” could refer to Palpatine’s cackle and frightening, deformed countenance. In this case, the song is not about Vader’s redemption but about his fall to evil. The dark side becomes the thing that “eats the fear”, “the sweetest price” would be the death of his wife, Padme Amidala, and the world going away would be the loss of everything Anakin holds dear.

Superficially, the song’s title and final line could refer to the destruction of Alderaan, a “world” which quite literally “went away” after being destroyed by the Empire.

The Becoming

Nine Inch Nails’ 1994 album, The Downward Spiral, addresses themes of self-destruction, powerlessness and loss of identity, all within the context of technology’s impact on humankind. One almost gets the impression that the album, with its synthesis of computerized noise and traditional instruments, could be telling the story of its own creation. Virtually every individual song on the album, as well as the album as a whole, could be a narrative of different aspects of Anakin Skywalker’s tragic downfall. However, for the purposes of this article I will discuss only one particular song, “The Becoming”:

I beat my machine it’s a part of me it’s inside of me
I’m stuck in this dream it’s changing me I am becoming
The me that you know had some second thoughts
He’s covered with scabs and he is broken and sore
The me that you know doesn’t come around much
That part of me isn’t here anymore
All pain disappears it’s the nature of my circuitry
Drowns out all I hear there’s no escape from this my new consciousness
That me that you know used to have feelings
But the blood has stopped pumping and he’s left to decay
The me that you know is now made up of wires
And even when I’m right with you I’m so far away
I can try to get away but Ive strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears
I can see it killing away all my bad parts
I don’t want to listen but it’s all too clear
Hiding backwards inside of me I feel so unafraid
Annie, hold a little tighter I might just slip away
It won’t give up it wants me dead
Goddamn this noise inside my head

This song seems to be describing the point of view of Darth Vader shortly after completing his transition to the dark side. “I’m stuck in this dream” could be a reference to the nightmares which plague Anakin and which become a crucial element of his downfall. Dreams about the death of his mother and his wife have a profund impact on him, and some would argue that the dreams themselves are the sole cause of his fear of loss, leading to his journey down the dark path. Many even believe that the dreams were psychically planted by Palpatine in order to sway Anakin.

The song makes several references to “the me that you know”, indicating that the author has two selves–one “that you know”, and presumably the real one. We’re told “That part of me isn’t here anymore”–in other words, Anakin Skywalker no longer exists. In Return of the Jedi, when Luke makes reference to Vader’s former self, the Dark Lord says “That name no longer has any meaning for me.” Earlier in the film, Obi-Wan says to Luke of his father, “He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader.”

In addition, we have several images of Anakin’s physical transformation–”covered with scabs” and “broken and sore” exactly describe Anakin’s condition following the duel with Obi-Wan. “All pain disappears it’s the nature of my circuitry” could either be referring to Vader’s physical pain being relieved by cybernetics, or his emotional pain being suppressed by the dark side. The author tells us he “is now made of wires”, another precise description of Vader’s body.

Like TDTWWA, the song addresses the good that is still within Vader. From line 13 to the end of the song, we hear the anguished voice of Anakin’s spirit as he clings to goodness–”Hiding backwards inside of me I feel so unafraid”. Again fear is revealed as a primary motivator. “Goddamn this noise inside my head” no doubt refers to pull of the dark side–”I must obey my master”, Vader tells his son.

Curiously, the song’s author makes a desperate plea to “Annie” to “hold a little tighter”. Could this be a reference to Anakin Skywalker, nicknamed “Ani” by his friends as a young boy? Doubtful, since the album was released five years before The Phantom Menace hit theatres. Moreover, there is evidence that Reznor was referring to a specific, real-life person (thanks Voidious!). However, it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that “Annie” could be “Ani”, considering that Anakin’s name has been known since the release of Empire Strikes Back in 1980. At the very least it’s an interesting coincidence.

Aside from the lyrical content itself, there is nothing whatsoever to support the idea that Trent Reznor’s music is based on Star Wars. As a fan of both Nine Inch Nails and Lucas’ epic saga, I enjoy finding parallels between two, which is possible because both Reznor and Lucas appeal to universal themes in their work. Many of these themes just happen to be similar.

Who knows, perhaps it’s the other way around, and The Downward Spiral inspired Lucas to write the prequels. :)

After about a year of waiting, my cat, Pluto, the Twisted Black Maxta, has finally made his way onto Stuff on My Cat! He joins Simon on the list of doadly kitties to be immortalized at SOMC. Big thanks to my brother Voidious for taking the photos and submitting them.

Actually, I’m even more fond of this photo (tentatively titled “Recursive Kitty” :). Voidious sent that one in some months later, thinking perhaps the first had been lost somehow. Hopefully it will be posted at SOMC sometime down the road.

Click here for Pluto’s fifteen minutes of fame.